You hot? You iced? Strip all unnecessary baggage cause we want it up close and personal.

We don’t care ’bout how much bling you’ve got on your profile, or how hot you claim to be—we can hardly read anything in the midst of the deafening, looping music, the endless photo slideshows, the blinding glitter, and nauseating animated backgrounds. We want to know who you really are. Just the FAQs. Or FAQQLYs.

So, can you handle the FAQQing?

And don’t worry about having to look for friends in a brand new place such as FAQQLY. It’s just like transferring to a new school. You’ll have one. At least one. Maybe people on MySpace are page-vain not because accessorizing should always make you look good (yeah right), but because they’re meant to catch your attention, to gain as many friends as possible. But you know you’ve done well if a website befriends every user who signs up, is curious about you right off the bat, and still asks more about you later on. That’s going to leave a mark on you somehow, no matter how elemental (fire? ice? geddit?) you are.

If you’re truly vain, though, you’re gonna love it here because it helps build you a false fandom around yourself, with all those awesome questions thrown your way. Maybe by then you’ll miss the bling ’cause it would remind you of the paparazzi.

Don’t worry—Dave’s no perv anyway!

Belongs to Circle Number
2, The Metaphor (4, The Cab Calloway too, because it’ll score high points in scrabble!)

The Formula
Bastardized English, Doublized, Turning Acronyms into Adverbs

Web 2.0 Validator Score
8/52

The Perfect Mascot (or Endorser)
Riddler (he’s in green, right?)

Celebrity Sightings
Keiko Agena, MC Hammer, and you!

Footnote: Jump in. The water’s great.